As soon as I woke up, I knew I wasn't in my own bed. The 'bed' was rough and there was nothing supporting my head. I slowly opened my eyes, one of them shooting with pain. My vision was blurred and my head was sore, but soon later I could see again. Looking around, I saw a familiar room that startled me. No, this couldn't be. This wasn't my front room, or Dan or Phils. It was PJ's. I couldn't be here, but more importantly, why was I here? There was no way PJ would have brought me here, he hated me. I shot up and pushed my hand through my hair which was greasy from sweat. "D-did I break in?" I stuttered to myself out loud. "Oh god, no." I sighed. How could I do this? Even drunk? He hated me already, now I'd broke in to his house. Well done Chris. I quickly jumped off the couch, knocking off my duvet as I did so. How did I even manage to get this? I suppose I've been here so many times, I know where everything is. My whole body ached as I made my way through PJ's house. I had to do it, see him one more time before I left. I made my way over to his room, and slowly opened the door, it letting out a small creak. He was fast asleep, his hand under his head and legs brought up to his chest. I just smiled, didn't make a sound or move. Just smiled. He looked just as perfect as ever and I knew I couldn't have him. When a tear wet the carpet below me, I realized I was crying. I brought my hand up to my cheek and wiped it away. Pain surged through my face as I did so. Why did my eye sting so much? I could barely even see out of it. As more tears threatened their way out of my eyes, I decided it was best to just go and never come back. I dragged my legs through the empty house, occasionally making the floor creak. As I reached the front door, I gave myself permission to use PJ's keys and unlock his door. I was ready to leave but I heard a sleepy voice from behind me.
"You leaving already?"
"You leaving already?" I asked Chris, my legs heavy from just waking up. I'd heard Chris moving around this morning, I didn't want him to leave so I forced myself out of bed to catch him before he left. I'd seen him grabbing my keys from the side and thought I'd interrupt him.
"Uh- I'm s-sorry. I was just leaving." Chris stuttered nervously as he carried on walking out of my house. I jumped a bit, I hadn't realized yesterday how awful his injuries were, but decided to ignore them.
"Or you could stay." I kept my eyes fixed on my hands as I fiddled with my fingers.
"I d-don't know. I just want to get-"
"Please?" I almost begged him, I was so desperate to see him. I'd gone months without seeing him before, spending time with other people, but now knowing that I could soon loose him, I didn't want to be apart from him.
"Ok. For a couple of hours." Chris replied before awkwardly following me back into the front room. His hands were shaking, probably from the hangover. He looked so weak and I felt so sorry for him, it was all my fault.
"You were going to leave like that?" As he noticed he was in my pyjamas, I started laughing.
"I didn't even realize." I smiled at him, looking into his beautiful eyes. Beautiful? Some times even my own thoughts shocked me.
"Do you want some breakfast?" I asked him, changing the subject in my mind. He shook his head, bringing his legs to his chest, placing his skull on his knees. I doubted he actually didn't want anything so I decided to make him toast as well. Placing the bread in the toaster, I allowed my gaze to wander over to Chris. He was trembling violently and his fists were clenched.
"Chris?! Are you ok?" He looked up at me, his eyes full of pain. It was surprising seeing the state he was in.
"No. My face hurts." I'd forgotten that he was so wasted last night that there was no chance he'd remember what had happened.
"Yeah. About that. Something happened last night."
"Oh. I know, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, it's just I was drunk and," Chris trailed off, pure guilt and sorrow in his voice.
"Chris. It wasn't your fault."
"It was. I know I was drunk, but how could I do that. It's your house. I should never have broke in." As the words slipped from Chris' mouth, I couldn't help but laugh. He honestly thought he'd broke in to my home.
"Calm down! You didn't break in! I brought you here!" Embarrassment spread across his face, but he gave me a look, that asked 'why?'
"You got pretty badly beat up. What happened before I got there, I have no idea. But I was so worried and I had to-" Half way through my sentence, the toast popped up. I sighed, I hadn't finished what I wanted to say. "What do you want?"
"I already said I don't want anything."
"What do you want?" I asked sternly, he gave in knowing that I wasn't going to give up and just answered butter. We sat in silence for a while, eating breakfast. We'd done this so many times before, been sat in silence, but this time it was so different, it was upsetting. The whole time it was just awkward, I tried my best to be just like we had done before. Surprisingly, I wasn't the one keeping my distance, it was Chris. We used to sit literally on each other but now if I got the tiniest bit closer to Chris, he'd move twice as far away. As weird as it may sound, I wanted to be close to him again, laughing when our skin touched and take pictures pretending to kiss, but it was obvious that he didn't. With Chris not wanting to ever meet my gaze, I was safe to just look at him. He turned round, noticing me staring and raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing. I was just-" I didn't even know what I was doing, admiring him? No. Just looking. Chris smirked at me, taking my plate from my hands and taking them into the kitchen. He limped slightly as he did so. My legs moved themselves towards him to help, and as they did, he slipped. I quickly sped up, making it to him just in time to catch him. With my arms around his waist and a smashed plate on the floor, I just laughed and looked at him. His eyes were so perfect, that colour was insane, and the skin on skin contact, it sent shivers through me. Perfect eyes? Shivers? PJ, you can't be.
"I miss this," My mouth spoke the words before my brain gave it permission.
"Really?" I just nodded, helping him up and out of my grip.
"I know that you hate me after what happened and I don't even blame you. I just let you go and I didn't try to comfort you or be there for you when you were hurting but please I don't want to loose you." Tears streamed down my face as I let out my feelings and I noticed that the same had happened to Chris.
"Me too. That's the reason I went to-" I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence. I couldn't wait, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into the best hug I've ever had and it wasn't long before I felt his strong arms around me. We didn't say anything for a while, just stood and smiled. Tears dripping on each others shoulders.
"Shall I order some pizza later?" I asked, pulling away from Chris' tight grip.
"And diet-cola?" Laughing we both sat back down an the couch, it was nice again but there was something different still. The fact I couldn't keep my eyes off Chris. He'd caught me plenty of times but still didn't say anything just carried on with what ever he was doing. Soon after that we were sat playing Mario kart, and when he got angry at the game or happy because he'd won, I'd need to look at him again, but every time I did I ached. I should've been grateful to have him back, but I wasn't. Some thing was missing, something important but I just couldn't figure out what it was.
"Ok. Just tell me!" He laughed. I had no idea what he was on about, and he could probably tell by my confused expression. "You've been staring at me all day."
"I have?" I asked, unconvincingly. He just giggled at me and the way he did it just set something off in me. My heart was beating uncontrollably and I couldn't move my eyes from his eyes.
"You're doing it again!" I looked down at the controller and traced my finger along the 'A' button.
"Don't be. I know how irresistible my good looks are." And with that said, I realized he had a point. He was incredible. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before, but the more I thought about it and the more I looked at him, there was one thing that was bigger than just thinking he was incredible. Something that I was even more annoyed, even embarrassed that I hadn't noticed before. How I thought his eyes and their colour were perfect, how the skin on skin contact gave me shivers and how my heart was beating faster when I looked at him. They all made sense when I realized something so stupidly important.
I loved Chris.